You can't control your childs future

my 56th birthday and my middle son says something that makes me exam some of my core thoughts.

first let me say I would not change my childhood and growing up for anyone's. You could not ask for better parents than my Mom and Dad and I always find myself comparing my parenting skills to theirs.

My dad was in the USAF and we moved around a lot, I loved our life, I saw and done more in my early years than some do in a life time BUT it was hard not having the same friends all the time, as soon as you made a good friend it seemed like you would move and start all over. after a while you didn't try as hard to make friends or when you did you learned to keep them at arms reach. the flip side of that is you build strong bonds with your brothers and learn quick how important family is.

Anyway the point of this post if there is one LOL

When my wife and I decided to have kids I wanted to be sure we were in a home that we wouldn't be moving from, I wanted my sons to NOT move and change schools, I wanted them to have something I didn't have and that was "friends I grew up with" or "someone I know since 1st grade" I have very strong feelings on this but a conversation I had with Nick (middle son) had me thinking about this, not that I would want to do it differently because I still feel strong on it. What he said to me made me look and things different, I have always been focused on how it affected me when I moved away and left friends behind. So I had to rethink this when Nick was telling me how as long as he remembers his friends are always moving away and he doesn't have the best friend he knew all his life because it seems that every time he makes a friend they move! WOW I never thought about that. I have many times wonder what happened to the kids I knew at different schools I always assumed they grew up and had other kids they grew up with, it never crossed my mind that you could live in one place and still end up like me, the person that moved all the time and not have that one best friend you knew all your life.

So here I am rethinking about friends I knew and what happened with them, on one hand I would like to think they made many other "best" friends when I moved but now to be honest I would like to think I was hard to replace.

But it goes to show as a parent you can only do what you thinks best, try to make your kids life better and guard them from harm as much as you can, BUT no matter your best effort there will be outcomes and things you just can't control.

Chian, Wake up call

It was late at night in my hotel in China around 10 years ago..I was sleeping and was woken up by the phone ringing, when I answered it and it was my wife, Suzan, she was at the hospital with my middle son Nick who was in intensive care!!!! What a wake up call.

Up until that call, I was on the first part of a typical trip like so many before. It was one of those events that would have long lasting influences on my life.

While I was a half world away my wife and son's were at a Scout Pool Party, all should have been perfect me overseas playing big shot business man, my family at home enjoying the "good life" how quick it came crashing down, and what I mean by crashing down is Nick falling from the top of the High Dive ladder and fracturing his skull on the concrete pad below. While I was sleeping my wife was watching my son get loaded in to a emergency vehicle and rushed to the hospital, while I was dreaming my wife was living the nightmare that parents are always scared of. The doctors were watching the brain swelling with a team ready to operate and relieve the pressure if the swelling of the brain continued to long.

One of the most helpless feeling I have ever known. I called and got my self booked on the first flight home which would not be leaving until mid morning (china time) contacted my associates to let them know they were on there own for the next 2 weeks. Keep in mind I was the planner, the schedule maker the one in charge of making sure the right people were at the right places. The good news for the business side is I did my job well, had good friends overseas to watch out and help my team and even though I was concerned about it I knew they would be in good hands. The BAD news is I was helpless and could not do anything to help my family, I had hours to go before I could get on a flight that was going to take another 18-24 hours for me to get home. All I could do while I was in my hotel was to try not to be a pest and call the hospital to many times.......My son was in ICU, maybe needing to be cut open maybe not, and each update was the same, no change call again in 30-40 minutes.

I finally was on the plane, the last update I had until was that the swelling was going down and they didn't think a operation would be needed but the surgeon was staying on call just in case. I boarded the plane and took my seat, put on my headphones (Walkman cd, this is pre Ipod) and turn Bob Dylan on. As soon as the wheels left the ground I was asleep. I usually have to force myself to sleep on these flights, I read, watch movies etc.. but on this flight I was so mentally exhausted and came to realize until I was home there was nothing I could do but pray and trust in God, sleep overcame me. When I landed in Chicago and was able to call home Nick was on the mend and would be sent home soon, I don't remember the connecting flight to Columbus, my next memory is Nick laying on our couch pale, limp, weak but alive.

I had three major things to deal with when I got home. First My wife Suzan needed my support, she was a rock and I do not think there are many women around that could have been so strong in a time of crisis as she was, but with that comes a heavy toll. As bad as the physical pain and suffering that Nick was going though, the mental suffering that my wife was going though was as bad or worse. She not only had to be strong for Nick and his brothers, she had to deal with the doctors, friends and family asking questions and my continued calls (until I got on the plane) she had to be mom and dad. Like I said she was a ROCK, but now she needed a break, a shoulder to cry on and a husband to hold. I said three things the first two are obvious, Suzan and Nick the third was less so, it was Stuart.

You see Stuart is the oldest and being the typical dad that I was, I would say before I left on a trip "you are the man of the house until I get home" never really thinking about just saying it. So Stuart was feeling guilt that he didn't prevent the accident. He told me that he was in front of Nick on the high dive and if he was behind him he could maybe have caught him, that it was his job as "man of the house" to protect his little brother and that he let me down. Of course this was silly, if he was behind Nick then the both would have been in the hospital and accidents happen no matter who's "the man of the house". If there was any fault to lay blame too it was me, being the dad thousands of miles away, but things happen in life that we can't foresee and plan for.

So what did I learn and what were the life changing things about this event.

First I learned (even though I already knew it) my wife is one hell of a woman!!!! Second My son Nick is hard headed which he has proved in many ways since then. Third Stuart is a serious and compassionate man. More Important I learned that I needed to find away to spend more time at home with my boys though the "formative" years and as a result I became "that guy" , the one at the soccer fields watching his sons (all three) games rain, snow or shine, cheering, supporting and even crying with them.

At the end of the day one of the worse events in my life was also a important step my spiritual growth. God was watching over my family while I was unable to do so and at the same time reminded me how important my family is.

China my life as a "exploiter"

I spent may years as a Importer and in span of over  8 years (from 95-04) I made over 35 trips to Asia and was in and out of China 2 to 4 times on each of those trips.  My trips were 2 to 5 weeks long and if you were to add it all together I spend a good 2 years in Asia during that time, with a large part of it  being in China. I many memories of my travels and hope to share them as they cross my mind.
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The two most often asked questions I had from those days are.  Don't you feel guilty about putting Americans out of work?  How do you live with yourself taking advantage of the under privilege workers in china?

To the first question it's easy, NO, because I didn't put Americans out of work!  If anything by helping provide products that people wanted and could afford I helped improve the standard of our living.  Also consider if you stopped imports from China how many jobs would be lost in the USA?  Stores would close, shipping companies, ocean, rail and over the road trucks etc etc...  PLUS it's the same person whom complains about "made in china" that goes to Walmart and buys it, so there is no guilt in my mind.  If you do honestly want to stop products from being imported then stop buying them. The  strongest tool you have is your pocket book, your spending controls what goes on a stores shelf, If you want American made BUY American made!!

The second has always been the harder question and I have done a lot of soul searching over the years. At the end of the day I can honestly say my efforts and work have been positive for the "under privilege".   For example on my first trip to China most people wore the "Chairman Mao" outfits there was little choice in style and color, now they wear designer shoes and cloths.  The Pay scale and standard of living has risen at a higher rate than anywhere in the world during my time, this happen because of American Business Men doing Business with in China. I believe if you went to China and didn't return for 2 years you would not recognize it, on each of my trips I was amazed at the amount of new roads, buildings, businesses that would pop up while I was gone and with each of those were jobs and improved standards of living.  Why? Not because of the government(ours or theirs), not because of missionary's,  not because of human right groups BUT because us American Business Men.  The time and effort we spent on buying and teaching improved and introduced the people of China to a better life and a means to achieve it. 

Yes there is evil in China and yes there are people abused but if you compare the growth and improvement over the last 20 years it's amazing.  I made many friends in my travels and have learned to respect the people and workers I have meet in China.  The work ethic i encountered reminds me of what made the USA great, maybe that's a bye product of our Imports.

I my efforts and those of people like me have played a large part in improving the quality of life for millions of people, for this I feel proud and unashamed

any other question?  feel free to leave me a note

China first trip-Food

 I was working for a large store chain when I made my first trip to Asia it was in the mid to late 80's and at that time China was just opening it's doors to businessmen. My trip was 4 weeks long and started in Beijing then Ningbo, Shanghai, Canton, Hong Kong and then Taiwain.   Now if you know me you know I am pretty much a meat and Potatos guy and don't eat sea food.  To prepair for this trip I packed a Large jar of peanut butter and a box of crackers..........they were all gone before i hit Hong Kong!   

On this early trip us westeners were still uncommon and everyplace we went was a cause of excitment on most nights we would have a big dinner with local business and goverment dignatarys, big round tables with a huge lazy susan on it and the waiters would keep bringing out "delicacy"      all sorts of stuff i wouldn't eat,,ie deep fried frogs (not legs frogs) squid, baby chickes any fish you could imagine....I found out right away two very important things. One if you don't eat you will be offending some very important and useful people secound if your plates empty someone will put something on it.  I would make sure I keeped green vegis on my plates at all times and then eat peanut butter in my room later.   back then was before bottle water and the water was not clean so was best not to drink it or eat salads or things that were just rinsed off,  some of the hotels had Coke but not all of them and i would order Coke and keep one in my room too, when it wasnt available would drink beer which was imported and of course Green Tea, it was my first experiance with green tea and it has became a staple for my diet everysince then.

after about 10 days I was dieing for some "red' meat, I was walking the streets of old shanghi and went in this old hotel with a resraunt and was looking at a burger on the menu, couldnt read so i found a waitress that spoke little english and inquired what it was the best translation I got was "domistic animal" to this day i not sure what it was but can honestly say its the best dog/cat i ever ate, and not the last LOL

After over 2 weeks it was off to Hong Kong, getting off the train in HK was like a jump in time from  a very communist behind the times china to one of the most capitalisic mondern cities   WOW   Back then China was way behind but it didnt last long, in the 80's Shanghi was a old dark city in the 90's it has became one of the brightest most modern cities I ever been to, in less than 10 years it progressed 10 fold.    Anyway when we arrived in Hong Kong we ate, there was every kind of food you could dream of, great steak houses, Itilan,etc...

While in China the first week I went to the Great Wall, walked on it long before millions of other people, went though the Forbiden City two of they great historical sites in the world  then in a matter of days I was in my hotel room looking over the harbour and hi rises of the most mondern city in the world.  I laid there the first night just looking out my window and being thankful for all i had and looking forward to many more trips to come.

In all I think I been to close to 50 times and each time was exciting in it's own way,  I think my next few post i will focus on diffrent trips and experiances.

"soccer are you kidding me"

That's how it started, way back in 1996 i was 39 Married to a great woman (still am) had 2 sons at the time Stuart who was five that spring and Nick who just turned 2 (no David yet, that's a story on its own)  I just came home from work and Suzan just told me she signed Stu up for Soccer.  Please understand at  that time all I knew about Soccer was what i seen in a few movies and that there was a new Major Soccer team in Columbus  LOL like that was going to last not only is this Football Country but they were going to play in the Horse Shoe, yea right.   I have always been a big football fan was a die hard Dallas Cowboy fan my whole life, posters, jackets, hats  the works and my wife is talking soccer was she crazy??

That first season in the spring I don't remember much, just something for the boy to do,,what a stupid game.  I did go with Stu and another dad and son to a Crew game that fall, I will admit it was enjoyable even though i was clueless about what was going on, the thing I remember most is when Stuart looked up at me and said "dad you know this is real football"!   oh my god, what was happening in my life?  I started to pay more attention as the year went, we moved before Stuart started the 2nd grade and by then the die was cast we were a soccer family, every season since Spring, Fall, Indoor we were there, Stuart and his group from the rec league became great friends and all turned out to be good young men, the family's are still close.  Nick started playing and played all the way up though 11th grade and then decide he had enough, but I still Had Stu playing in collage and David in High school, I been to so many tournaments in club, high school and Collage I cant count we won and we lost but we had great times.  

So here I am Stuart played his last game this last fall,  he was captain of his collage team that played in the national championship tournament for 3 years, was All region and All American he made his family proud,  Nick played his last High school game a year ago, David is still in school and will be playing this fall and I am sure will give me much to watch in years to come.

So whats the issue??? David isn't on a spring team, the first time in 16 years I won't have a spring game to go to, no son to cheer on, no ref to fight...... oh wait I am still a Hooligan and have the Crew to go too :)

I am that guy, the old man on the side of the filed yelling and screaming, not because my son is there but because I love the game. 

A New way of sharing

Hi All,  I have always been wanting to write about events in my life and have never been able to get started.  So here we go I will try sharing my life though this new way of communications.  Before we go to far I first have to apologize for the bad grammar and bad spelling which will follow.

The title to my blog "Unintended Consequences" this title came from a column that Dr. Dave Garrison wrote a while back, he was talking about politics and fiance, after reading his column I told him I was going to steal his title for my life story when I write as it's full of "unintended consequences".  I haven't written my book yet but I feel this blog could be a good start.

A little background, I am 55 married (27 years) 3 great sons, and one daughter in law (so far) I have had a very full life with more yet to come.  Have traveled the world, been at the top and bottom more than once.  I have many high points in my life and like others i have some regrets. 

I will be picking random thoughts as they pop into my head and babble about them, I'm not sure where to start  but I do know there will me no order to it :)   so if you know me feel free to send me a note saying "do you remember....and why not write about it.

My goal is to tell my story before it's to far in the past to remember and hope my song will be sung in years to come.  

this is warning there are many stories to come and I hope you all stick around to read them.

Hoss